You Stole My Blender
by Amiiix3
Summary: “Lily, didn’t you hear what I told you? James stole your blender!” Tally said, surprised her friend could stay this calm over such a dire emergency...LilyJames conflict. Hehe.


**A/N: A total nonsensicle piece that I wrote because well...we can just question my sanity now and get it over with.**

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"Lily…" said Lily's friend Tally, walking up to her. 

Lily looked up from the essay she was working on, her quill continued to fly across the page though.

"What's wrong Tally?" she asked. Her friend's tone had been terribly morbid.

"Lily, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but…"

Lily held her breath, frightened.

"…James stole your blender." Tally ducked, afraid Lily was going to have another one of her righteous temper tantrums and start throwing things.

Lily simply blinked though. "What was that Tally?" she asked, already calculating how long it would take to call the men in white jackets.

"Lily, didn't you hear what I told you? James stole your blender!" Tally said, surprised her friend could stay this calm over such a dire emergency.

"Tally are you feeling alright?" said Lily, reaching for her friend's forehead.

"I'm fine!" the girl snapped, stepping back, "But you! You're a traitor Lily Evans! He stole your blender! Aren't you worried! With all your talk of 'James this James that James is so rude to Snapey' I would think that you'd at least defend a poor toaster!"

Tally said, looking wide eyed at her redhead friend.

Lily stared at her, "I thought you said he stole my _blender_?" she said slowly.

"Oh, no." Tally started, looking surprised, "Sorry, I meant toaster. He stole your-"

"**WHAT?!?!?!**" cried Lily, jumping up, her face turning red as her hair.

Tally jumped back, frightened. "Are you alright Lily?"

"OF COURSE I'M NOT ALRIGHT! HE STOLE MY TOASTER! **MY** TOASTER!!!! HOW DARE HE?!" Lily screamed.

"Oh yea, he gave me this note to give to you." Tally said, stopping Lily's rant short.

She stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out a wrinkly peace of parchment, handing it to Lily who snatched it and ripped it open.

_Dearest Lily,_

_I have taken your beloved toaster. If you want it back, come to the kitchens._

_Love,_

_James_ –heart heart- -squiggle-

There were a few cross outings of 'Mr. James Potter Evans' 'James Evans' 'James Lupin'

Lily shredded the note and ran out of the portrait hole, leaving Tally sitting there counting the number of ceiling tiles in the tile-less ceiling.

Lily skidded to a halt outside the picture of the fruit bowl and tickled the pear quickly.

The handle appeared and she wrenched it open stumbling inside.

There stood James leaning nonchalantly against the steal counters, chomping on an apple.

"POTTER YOU BETTER GIVE ME BACK MY TOASTER!" Lily yelled, stomping into the kitchen, and standing 3 feet away from James.

"Evans, Evans, Evans…" he said shaking his head, "What makes you think I would do that?"

"This is about the muffin right?" asked Lily, still angry, "Well you know what? That muffin didn't even like you."

James gasped, "TAKE THAT BACK!" he yelled, dropping his apple.

"NEVER!!!!" Lily let out a war call and lunged at James.

He stepped out of the way in the nick of time. Lily fell to the ground. She sat on her butt and stared up at him.

"YOU PRAT! GIVE ME MY TOASTER!"

"GIVE ME MY MUFFIN!"

"I DON'T GIVE A D---- ABOUT YOUR MUFFIN! IT'S GONE!!!"

James gasped again, his eyes filled up with tears and his bottom lip quivered.

"W-what did you d-do with my m-m-muffin?"

"I ate it." Lily said smugly, still staring at Potter from the ground.

"YOU DIDN'T!" James yelled out, unbelieving.

"I DID!!! And I took a picture too!" said Lily pulling out a photograph from her pocket.

James tugged it out of her grip and stared at it for a second.

Then he started crying.

"Lily, I can't believe you. You ate my muffin. And I didn't do anything to your toaster. All I did was feed it mushrooms!"

Lily jumped to her feet. "MUSHROOMS??? YOU FED IT MUSHROOMS???" she yelled starting to pace around the room.

James nodded, still staring at the picture of Lily with her face stuffed with muffin, and muffin crumbs around her mouth, on her shirt, in her hands, smeared across her face. A tear slid down his cheek.

"YOU FED MY TOASTER MUSHROOMS???" Lily asked again.

James nodded once more.

"MY TOASTER IS _ALLERGIC_ TO MUSHROOMS! YOU'VE KILLED IT! MURDER! MURDERER! MURDERER! MURDERER! MURDERER!" she crowed.

"Now Lily, calm down, if that's murder then what's this?!" he asked waving the picture of Lily eating his muffin up and down.

"It's called saving the world! That muffin was moldy! I ate a moldy muffin just to save the world from you!!!!" Lily confessed.

"How can a moldy muffin destroy the world?" James asked, confused.

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? A PIECE OF PIE JUST STOLE MY ORANGE PLANTANE! AND YOU ASK HOW A MOLDY MUFFIN CAN DESTROY THE WORLD??? You are so slow." She screamed back.

Suddenly the kitchen door swung open and in sauntered Sirius Black holding a shiny new desk lamp.

James and Lily stared at him.

"What?" he asked, "Don't you come here too when you want to impress a new lady?" he asked, holding out his shiny desk lamp for all to see.

Lily and James stared at the lamp. It was beautiful beyond imagination.

"I think I'm in love." Lily purred reaching for the lamp.

"Wait, what about your toaster?" asked James, walking toward the lamp too.

"It doesn't matter, it's dead anyway. But this lamp…" she shivered in delight as she got closer.

"Yea, well I'm the one who had to watch as his beloved muffin got eaten, I should get it."

Said James, taking a longer stride.

"No! It's mine! I saw it first!" Lily yelled, lunging for the lamp.

But Sirius held it up above his head.

"What are you thinking? It's MY shiny new desk lamp!" he pulled it closer to him, doing a very good impression of Golem "My precious, my precious." He whispered, stroking the lamp. Pet.pet.pet.pet.pet.

There was a clatter and another clatter and then lots of pots and pans falling and then a bag of flour exploded, and the whole kitchen was filled with clattering noises and scufflings and covered in white dust which was floating around making it impossible to see a thing.

"SAVE YOURSELF!" Sirius yelled, throwing his shiny new desk lamp out the open kitchen door.

Remus Lupin happened to be walking by at that moment, whistling to himself, when all of a sudden a shiny new desk lamp flew at him, landing in his arms.

"My precious." He said softly to the still shiny still new desk lamp, and walked away.

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**A/N: REVIEWS and SUGGESTIONS only would be nice. heart heart smiley face**


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